Sometimes I reali wan some concern frm frenz.. I knw some things are going to be the same no matter how hard I tried.. Afterall like wat Tricia told me before.. Wat will be will be afterall.. Even if u dun try it will still be urs in the end.. But wat Alys said is if one dun try.. They wun get wat they wan.. Becuz things wun juz dropped frm the sky in front of them.. I know wat they mean reali.. But wat is too much and wat is too little? Wat do I need to do without crossing the line? I reali duno..

We do knw we have a session at Amanda's place.. And u knw I will go fetch u.. But why didn't u told me tat u will go on ur own.. Is juz an sms so difficult? Is it when u are with him den u will forget all abt me? Cuz u are juz happy and enjoying urself.. And u seem to have the whole world with u.. Tat's reali plain self-centered.. No matter wat.. I'm juz a pepsi.. A substitution for coke when it's off the shelves.. I knw he is there yest.. I juz pray he dun enter Amanda's place.. To verify it.. I asked John abt it.. So I'm rite.. I juz dun feel gd when he is ard.. Reali.. It juz freaking spoilt my mood.. That's why I dun tok much yest.. Why whenever I'm happy.. He must appear.. I hate it.. I reali reali hate it..

John said I made her cried yest.. Amanda told me betta go pacify her.. I dun tink tat's a big issue reali.. And there's no reason to cry over I refusing to change tat pink chip.. It's juz too marginal.. And she told me before she wun cry anymore.. So I tink John must have seen wrongly probably..

I guess it reali like wat Sebas told me yest nite.. We had a long chat yest nite.. I knw Sebas is reali being honest with himself of wat he wanted to say.. No one deserves to have a safety float.. Maybe I'm still duno my decision.. Maybe I'm still hoping for the best.. It has been umpteen times I told myself to move on.. But it reali ain't easy at all.. I reali tried my best to wish her n him all the best alreadi.. I managed to do that two yrs ago.. But how cum I can't do it this time round.. Maybe it's wat she told me tat time tat made me keep persevering.. Hoping for some reward.. I knw everything is juz like fairytale.. When the story cums to an end and the back cover is closed.. Everything becum fictional.. It's oni momentary..

I reali veri xinku.. I wanted to pour my sorrows to my frenz.. I scared to disturb them.. They have their own problems alreadi.. I wanted to tell my sis abt it.. But I scared she will tell my mum.. I dun wan to let my mum seeing me crying over relationship issue again.. I reali scare my mum will break down again.. Previously when I saw my bro hugging my mum crying over this gal he keep forgiving over and over again.. Yet she kept disappointing my bro.. I promise not to make my mum cry again.. Mummy.. I'm sorri.. Ur son is so useless in everything he do.. Frm studies.. To career.. To relationship.. He can't seem to do well in every aspects.. Sorri..

Sometimes I reali wanna juz die and be free from all troubles once and for all.. But tat's oni being selfish.. I can't juz leave my family alone and go.. I can oni cry on my own now.. I can oni move on alone now.. I can oni carry my burden on my own now.. Sometimes I reali wan someone to give me a hugz as I cried.. I reali need a warming hugz.. Reali..

There once were two men..
Who travelled the same path for 10 years..
But found completely different truths..
So i tink if i wander for 10 years..
I'll find my own truth!!

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

It's reali long time since last update.. Exactly a mth.. I have so much in mind yet I duno wat to write.. I tink it's ok.. At least those are reali nice and sweet memories.. Two weeks ago.. Amanda left us for a tour.. Reali miss her alot loh honestly.. And finali she will be back today.. I'm so happy and glad.. =) At least I know that she can be there for me when I'm feeling blue.. Hahaha.. =p

But today I will be the only person going there to fetch her.. Haha.. Guess it's ok ba.. The rest are busy with their life also.. Sebas will be having tuition.. Odac meeting.. Nite cycling recee.. And many many more.. He hardly has any moment to breathe loh.. Haha.. Though he said he can go with me to fetch Amanda.. But I think it's reali veri rush for him.. Cuz he has to leave by 2000hrs and set off towards SIM for the recee event.. Reali appreciate his effort.. Thankz.. As for Jiamin.. I have no idea.. I guess will be as usual ba.. With jj..

Haha.. I was seriously wondering wat I'm going to do after I send Amanda back.. Cuz John will be there also.. Hmmx.. I definitely wun be a bright glowing bulb loh.. Haha.. Hey I'm veri auto one hor.. =X But I think it's reali damn sweet for John to be there as soon as Amanda arrives.. If I'm abroad one day.. And I return.. I will also hope to see my gf there too.. Yup..

Haix.. I'm so dead now.. Sianz.. Maybe I should reali consider going for Sebas' nite cycling.. He said maybe I will find someone I like there.. Haha.. Machiam as easy as a finger click rite.. Like Fairy Godmother one wave with her wand and everything becum like wat I wan rite? Hehe.. >_<~ Anyway wat Sebas mentioned is veri encouraging loh.. Haha.. Only he know wat my problems are like now.. *hugz* Haha.. Tat day in msn I juz type hugz mah.. Den he show me middle finger!! LoLz.. Now I do it again.. He will show both hands to me liao loh.. But I like wat he mentioned to me tat day.. Sumtimes it's betta to have known and cherished and den let go..

There once were two men..
Who travelled the same path for 10 years..
But found completely different truths..
So i tink if i wander for 10 years..
I'll find my own truth!!

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

Ok what I'm exactly excited abt is the catching game we played.. Haha.. It all happened last thurs when I was out with Amanda and Jiamin.. Went to Marina Sq to get John bday's prezzie.. Yup I parked at Millenia Walk due to full carpark at Marina Sq.. As we approached the life lobby.. The gals ran off.. I was wtf happened!! Did they get kidnapped!! *Faint* I go round the lobby again and again.. Can't find them.. And I'm pretti sure they are trying to hide from me.. Well.. And the game of catching juz started off this way.. Haha.. I caught Amanda.. So I told her to wait for me here while I set off to catch Jiamin.. Finali I caught Jiamin.. I returned.. Amanda is gone.. Den I realized.. Will Amanda be so obedient to listen to me and waited there as I told her to?? I was totally wrong.. I trust her so much loh!! LoLz.. I reali wanna faint on the spot loh.. I can't imagine myself opening doors and doors again.. Running perimeters again and again.. Haha.. But it's reali fun lah.. I lurve it!! If not for the camera there as a deterrent.. I tink I will probably chase them until they scream!! Wahahaha.. =p

And when we are up the first level.. They continued to play!! I wanna beg them pls dun ok.. Too many ppl liao lah.. They are ok cuz they are gals.. But me can't lah.. Eyes will be staring at me when I chased them loh.. Hahaha.. Probably tink I'm the bad guy and called police to arrest me loh.. Wahahaha.. =p

Den on Fri.. We had a full strength of four.. Went Chomp Chomp for supper.. It was lucky Sebas managed to get a table as we arrived cuz I saw outside alot of ppl scouting and waiting for tables.. Thankz Sebas!! Haha.. Anyway the table is full of rubbish lah.. So waiting for the cleaner to cum and clean.. But he din cum at all.. So Sebas went to tell him.. In the end still din cum.. Was quite fed up lah.. But we juz ordered food as we go along.. At a point of time.. Amanda's mum called.. And situation gets kinda bad.. Haix.. She was totally quiet.. I realized that if Jiamin and Sebas can't make her smilex.. I guess as a 2mths old frenz of hers.. I will be much more of a hinderance instead of helping hand.. Haix.. But nvrtheless.. Somehow Amanda opened up and speak up her troubles with her mum etc.. I alwayz believe that frenz should alwayz be there for their frenz when they are in troubles.. Even though they might not be able to help.. But at least they are willingly.. Willingly to listen to their woes.. Reali.. At least we reali listen to Amanda's problems.. I'm glad she said it out.. It definitely made her feel better than bottled it up in her heart all by herself.. =)

After the supper.. We rushed to Amanda's place first.. We reached her place and parked it at the usual handicap lot.. Okie now Jiamin said.. When the engine is off.. Everyone will get off the car and hide themselves!! Hahaha.. That was a gd one.. I turned and off the ignition.. I straightaway chiong out the door loh.. Haha.. But I juz realized who going to be the catcher lah.. The four of us are hiding den who catch us leh?? LoLz.. Ok so we played O-Wa-Peh-Ya-Soh.. Odd one will be catcher loh..

Yup so I'm kena first loh.. And they are damn good at fleeing loh!! Best loh.. Haha.. If I'm going to choose.. Of cuz I wun go after Sebas.. He's a guy.. Hard to chase.. Somemore officer.. I will be damn irrational if I chased after him.. Next is Amanda.. She still alrite.. But the fact that she wear running shoes while I'm in sandals.. I will place her as my second target.. Now is Jiamin.. Haha.. Of cuz she will be the most feasible to chase lah.. Muwahahahaha.. First in terms of speed confirm can win her.. Unless she cheats!! Den in terms of footwear she is wearing slippers loh.. Definitely veri hard to run.. Wahahaha.. See how powerful my analysis is loh.. Hehe.. =p

It was reali fun lah.. Ppl at the playground saw us playing catching.. Den they also started themselves.. Hahaha.. =X I was panting like hell when Sebas was the catcher.. Nehneh one.. Go chase the gals better lah.. Dun cum after me pls!! Haha.. After that we changed our game loh.. Hen and wolf.. Haha.. Well.. It's all abt saving and protecting the chicks frm the wolf.. Haha.. Eh.. I know I was quite lame when I suddenly played "hai dai" aka "seaweed" with the hen which is Sebas.. LoLz.. Amanda dropped to the ground thinking how lame I was loh.. Muwahahaha.. Oops.. =p

We are all laughing and sweating like crazy.. So we went up Amanda's place to rest a while.. At the same time fearing a chopper flew towards us as we entered the house!! Haha.. =p I laid dead on the sofa edge.. While Sebas is busy msn-ing.. Jiamin was lying somewhere behind me.. Amanda was sitting on the sofa on my left.. We had great times.. It is fun.. It reali is.. ^^

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

Went to ECP yest.. Went to pick Jiamin and den Amanda.. I went past the condo Amanda was tuitioning at.. I din saw her at the main gate so went past it cuz there is vehicle behind.. Den as we went past.. Jiamin shouted she there lah.. I can't stop due to insufficient time.. So did a turn back instead.. Amanda boarded.. And she seem angry.. Erm.. The atmosphere is scary lah.. How I wish Sebas is there at that time!! Only he can negate all those weird weird atmosphere.. This is something I reali hope I'm equipped with loh.. Sebas is qiang loh.. Haha.. (PS: Sebas u need to pay for my advertising fees hor!!)

We finali reached ECP.. So the two gals walking up their usual blading shop hoping to rent it.. Unfortunately it was gone.. Up and down.. To and fro.. In the end duno want to blade or cycle.. And guess wat.. We ended up bowling instead!! Sebas probably is tinking "Heng ar.. Heng I din go down.. Hahaha.."

After the bowling we went to Marina Square for dinner.. And when we are in the carpark.. Amanda is slping like a log.. And win liao loh.. Other than Sebas and Jiamin.. She is one of those DANGEROUS slper ard!! Once knock out.. That's it!! Game over loh.. Veri hard to wake up liao.. Why the three of all them so qiang in this aspect ar?? Hahaha.. Anyway we juz called her hp to vibrate her the hell out of the car loh.. Wahahaha.. =p We went for thai food for dinner.. Even dinner we need to play games to decide.. Ppl walking past probably are tinking wat the hell are these three kids doing in the middle of the walkway playing "o~wa~pei~ya~sou!!" Muwahahaha.. =X

After that went to parkway there played pool.. They are cheaters loh!! Reali cheaters.. Haha.. Sebas will probably faint on the spot loh.. Amanda best loh.. And with Jiamin collaborating with her.. Haha.. Well.. That's probably the power of the formidable F2.. Haha.. If u ever wonder why I said that.. It's becuz Amanda alreadi declared Jiamin and her as F2.. Probably standing for Formidable 2!! LoLz.. Must tink of a name for Sebas and me liao!! Wahahaha..

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

I was sitting down staring.. Somehow I rem what Trish told me.. Abt a story btwn the humans.. God and Satan.. The story goes like this..

Long long time ago.. There are God.. Satan and humans.. The good is always against the evil.. So one day.. Satan plotted against God.. Satan knew that God is creating paper cutting in pairs.. Which means a guy and a gal.. Each pair are meant to be together and lived happily for the rest of their life.. In other words these pairs are perfect match.. And all these pairs of paper cutting will be dispersed thru out the world.. To create happiness..

Everything will be fine if Satan din step in to wreck the process.. Satan came and teared the pairs in two.. Separating the guy and the gal.. Since den the world is full of separated guys and gals.. These guys and gals are trying hard to find their perfect ideal partner that are being separated from them.. But it's reali hard as the world is too vast.. God did try to save the damages done.. But there's only a few he can reali save..

At the end of the day.. This is to tell us that.. If u are attached.. Be contended with ur bf or gf.. Cuz it was nvr easy to lurve someone.. Or be lurved by someone.. Forgive and forget what he or she did wrong to ya.. If u are single.. Dun be so disheartened.. Though u can nvr find the most perfect partner.. Try ur best to accept each other and the path will shine on ya one day.. Reali.. Believe in God..

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

I had being listening to the song Sebas told me yest nite that is nice.. I listen for the whole day practically.. At first when u listen.. U might not feel a thing at all.. But when u listen again.. It's totally different.. Esp when I read the lyrics.. It's veri qiang.. Reali.. That line "当你为她戴上幸福的头盖.. 我含泪祝福你有美的未来.." juz hit me.. Hit me so hard that I cried.. Like what Sebas said.. Of cuz with own reasons.. Thankx Sebas.. It's reali a nice and meaningful song.. From the start of the lyrics till the end reali describe how I feel most of the time..


徐怀钰 ~ 心中的遗憾

喜欢对着天空发呆 想着你的笑容出现在人海
你总是能让我开怀 忍耐我的坏
只是这一切将烟消云散

也许遇见你是个错 错在我们身处不同的时空
两颗心交会的时候 一分钟就足够
够我一辈子想念很久

我会选择离开 微笑告别伤害
我知道你心中的那份遗憾
当你为她戴上幸福的头盖 我含泪祝福你有美的未来

想飞到千里外 期待一切重来
想洗去你对你的所有依赖 但谢谢你让我体会了真爱
我永远记得你心中的遗憾
La…… 嗯……

也许遇见你是个错 错在我们身处不同的时空
两颗心交会的时候 一分钟就足够
够我一辈子想念很久

我会选择离开 微笑告别伤害
我知道你心中的那份遗憾
当你为她戴上幸福的头盖 我含泪祝福你有美的未来

想飞到千里外 期待一切重来
想洗去你对你的所有依赖 但谢谢你让我体会了真爱
我永远记得你心中的遗憾

想飞到千里外 期待一切重来
想洗去你对你的所有依赖 但谢谢你让我体会了真爱
我永远记得你心中的遗憾

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

Sumtimes juz I feel so upset.. I was thinking how cum Amanda.. Jiamin and Sebas have so much frenz ard them.. Unlike me.. And when it's a weekend and everyone of them is going out roaming ard.. Yet I'm the only one staying at home doing nothing.. Waiting and waiting duno for what.. It's juz like being jailed.. I reali hate this.. I knw I can go out.. But.. Haix.. =/

As time passes by.. Everyone will be having their own life.. It juz happened when I met one of my lecturer a couple of days ago.. When I told him that I might not be getting married at the end of the day..

The dialogue btwn him and me..
Sir: Spencer.. U knw it's not easy to becum a bachelor..
Me: But Sir.. That wun be a problem since I wun be buying house and all that mah..
Me: I probably have enuff financial power to support myself mah..
Sir: Though the financial aspect might not be a problem for u but what abt the emotional aspect?

When he told me that.. I juz hit me somehow.. Why I din realized this before?

Sir: Though currently ur frenz are either of same age or younger than u..
Sir: But when they get older and it means u will be older too..
Sir: Den it's abt time for them to get married and build their family..
Sir: They probably wun have much time to go out with u anymore..

I remained in silent and pondered a while..

Sir: I married my wife in the early 30s..
Sir: I think that's the best and ideal age..
Me: But that wun apply to me..
Sir: Spencer.. There things that are alreadi laid for u by God..
Sir: It will cum when the time is rite..
Me: Hmmx..
Sir: Trust me.. Focus on ur career now.. And move on later..

Now I understand why it's always a fortunate thing to tok to someone who is much more older than me.. Becuz they went thru such stages alreadi.. That's why they understand.. Such advices are so precious that I will embed it deep within my mind..

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

Had a supper nite with Amanda and Sebas.. Had Aston when it's closing.. After that went Geylang for durians.. Erm.. I juz had one seed.. It will get me high if I had too many.. Hahaha.. Must be thinking that's crap rite.. LoLz.. Well.. To each his own mah.. Sebas relates this thing to mayonaise vs tartar sauce.. Garlic bread vs garlic.. Haha.. In fact he mentioned mayo same as tartar but his frenz juz can't take tartar.. Ironic rite.. Same for me.. I can take garlic bread but can't take garlic.. Rubbish rite!! But that's reali a fact mah.. I will puke immediately if I took garlic loh.. So wan me to die is easy lah.. Garlic cheap and economical.. LoLz..

Btwn thankz Amanda for the choclet and hp accessory.. And we will be hearing great news soon.. Heee.. =p Yup so stay tune on Channel CRN updates on the latest happening news.. By the way CRN stands for Cafe Reminiscence News.. Hahaha.. Do it look as qiang as CNN name? Keke.. =X

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

Haha.. Finali I'm done with this blog.. Still need to add on some stuffs though.. Okie not exactly veri pro.. But still presentable lah.. So this will be the tales of Amanda.. Jiamin.. Sebas.. And me.. Heeee.. =p

In other words all outings in future will be written in here loh.. It can be anything.. From lame.. Funny to sad.. Yup.. So stay tune.. We will be back in action soon.. ^^

The time has comes..
I know what is best for you..
I know where I should be standing right now..
And I know how much I actually likes ya..
I know we can never be together..
But I want ya to know..
Ya are special to me..
Be it now or future..

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^