Sometimes I reali wan some concern frm frenz.. I knw some things are going to be the same no matter how hard I tried.. Afterall like wat Tricia told me before.. Wat will be will be afterall.. Even if u dun try it will still be urs in the end.. But wat Alys said is if one dun try.. They wun get wat they wan.. Becuz things wun juz dropped frm the sky in front of them.. I know wat they mean reali.. But wat is too much and wat is too little? Wat do I need to do without crossing the line? I reali duno..

We do knw we have a session at Amanda's place.. And u knw I will go fetch u.. But why didn't u told me tat u will go on ur own.. Is juz an sms so difficult? Is it when u are with him den u will forget all abt me? Cuz u are juz happy and enjoying urself.. And u seem to have the whole world with u.. Tat's reali plain self-centered.. No matter wat.. I'm juz a pepsi.. A substitution for coke when it's off the shelves.. I knw he is there yest.. I juz pray he dun enter Amanda's place.. To verify it.. I asked John abt it.. So I'm rite.. I juz dun feel gd when he is ard.. Reali.. It juz freaking spoilt my mood.. That's why I dun tok much yest.. Why whenever I'm happy.. He must appear.. I hate it.. I reali reali hate it..

John said I made her cried yest.. Amanda told me betta go pacify her.. I dun tink tat's a big issue reali.. And there's no reason to cry over I refusing to change tat pink chip.. It's juz too marginal.. And she told me before she wun cry anymore.. So I tink John must have seen wrongly probably..

I guess it reali like wat Sebas told me yest nite.. We had a long chat yest nite.. I knw Sebas is reali being honest with himself of wat he wanted to say.. No one deserves to have a safety float.. Maybe I'm still duno my decision.. Maybe I'm still hoping for the best.. It has been umpteen times I told myself to move on.. But it reali ain't easy at all.. I reali tried my best to wish her n him all the best alreadi.. I managed to do that two yrs ago.. But how cum I can't do it this time round.. Maybe it's wat she told me tat time tat made me keep persevering.. Hoping for some reward.. I knw everything is juz like fairytale.. When the story cums to an end and the back cover is closed.. Everything becum fictional.. It's oni momentary..

I reali veri xinku.. I wanted to pour my sorrows to my frenz.. I scared to disturb them.. They have their own problems alreadi.. I wanted to tell my sis abt it.. But I scared she will tell my mum.. I dun wan to let my mum seeing me crying over relationship issue again.. I reali scare my mum will break down again.. Previously when I saw my bro hugging my mum crying over this gal he keep forgiving over and over again.. Yet she kept disappointing my bro.. I promise not to make my mum cry again.. Mummy.. I'm sorri.. Ur son is so useless in everything he do.. Frm studies.. To career.. To relationship.. He can't seem to do well in every aspects.. Sorri..

Sometimes I reali wanna juz die and be free from all troubles once and for all.. But tat's oni being selfish.. I can't juz leave my family alone and go.. I can oni cry on my own now.. I can oni move on alone now.. I can oni carry my burden on my own now.. Sometimes I reali wan someone to give me a hugz as I cried.. I reali need a warming hugz.. Reali..

There once were two men..
Who travelled the same path for 10 years..
But found completely different truths..
So i tink if i wander for 10 years..
I'll find my own truth!!

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^

It's reali long time since last update.. Exactly a mth.. I have so much in mind yet I duno wat to write.. I tink it's ok.. At least those are reali nice and sweet memories.. Two weeks ago.. Amanda left us for a tour.. Reali miss her alot loh honestly.. And finali she will be back today.. I'm so happy and glad.. =) At least I know that she can be there for me when I'm feeling blue.. Hahaha.. =p

But today I will be the only person going there to fetch her.. Haha.. Guess it's ok ba.. The rest are busy with their life also.. Sebas will be having tuition.. Odac meeting.. Nite cycling recee.. And many many more.. He hardly has any moment to breathe loh.. Haha.. Though he said he can go with me to fetch Amanda.. But I think it's reali veri rush for him.. Cuz he has to leave by 2000hrs and set off towards SIM for the recee event.. Reali appreciate his effort.. Thankz.. As for Jiamin.. I have no idea.. I guess will be as usual ba.. With jj..

Haha.. I was seriously wondering wat I'm going to do after I send Amanda back.. Cuz John will be there also.. Hmmx.. I definitely wun be a bright glowing bulb loh.. Haha.. Hey I'm veri auto one hor.. =X But I think it's reali damn sweet for John to be there as soon as Amanda arrives.. If I'm abroad one day.. And I return.. I will also hope to see my gf there too.. Yup..

Haix.. I'm so dead now.. Sianz.. Maybe I should reali consider going for Sebas' nite cycling.. He said maybe I will find someone I like there.. Haha.. Machiam as easy as a finger click rite.. Like Fairy Godmother one wave with her wand and everything becum like wat I wan rite? Hehe.. >_<~ Anyway wat Sebas mentioned is veri encouraging loh.. Haha.. Only he know wat my problems are like now.. *hugz* Haha.. Tat day in msn I juz type hugz mah.. Den he show me middle finger!! LoLz.. Now I do it again.. He will show both hands to me liao loh.. But I like wat he mentioned to me tat day.. Sumtimes it's betta to have known and cherished and den let go..

There once were two men..
Who travelled the same path for 10 years..
But found completely different truths..
So i tink if i wander for 10 years..
I'll find my own truth!!

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^